He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
