he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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