it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i drank out of a bidet.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
