Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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