You made me cry and you don't even care
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
