the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
