Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
