I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
