If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
