I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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