My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
