Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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