You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
