I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
