does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
