Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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