Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
