Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
he just fucked me for my cheese..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
