It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
