put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
