ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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