Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
