Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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