ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
