My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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