I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Are we still banned from the library?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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