i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
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