tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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