dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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