just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
