her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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