Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I need to stop coming to work sober
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
