The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
