My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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