I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
