I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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