I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
