Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
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