Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
