I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize