Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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