is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
