apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
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