Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
