It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
