Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
