im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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