how hairy? two words: wookie tits
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Randomize
