did you get engaged???
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Randomize
