He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
