sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
