At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize