yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Randomize
