I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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