I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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