Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
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I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
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Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize