Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
