just survived the first fart of the relationship.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
