im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
