I hope mine doesn't look like that
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
