If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
