I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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