I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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