last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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