so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
this will be a night to untag.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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