Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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