my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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