You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
