I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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