no one should ever give us hovercrafts
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
